I DID IT! I FINALLY DID IT!
It took almost three and a half years of constant work, but I finally found a cartoon character that had not been drawn smoking weed. I was walking through the grocery aisle of my local convenience store when it appeared to mine wondering eyes like something from a dream: the Vlasic pickle stork. Of course! Here, at long last, was a character that could stand shoulder to shoulder with the greats, your Tweety Bird smoking a bong, your Papa Smurf lighting a joint, your Phillie Phanatic shoving a hash brownie into his nose mouth.
It is with great pride I present to you the “Kronic Stork.” If you would like to buy a t-shirt, I will be down at Venice Beach with a dirty cardboard box full of them. Just look for the happiest guy on the boardwalk.